Jaws, Lake Placid, Rouge Crocodile, Anaconda, Deep Blue Sea, Piranha, and the list goes on. Film producers seem relentless when it comes to producing all these creature-monster shows, not as if it is not already overdone. The “eat all you can” theme is ubiquitous and predictable enough already. After the classic Jaws, everything else that comes after seem like a yawner. Ok, so another hot bikini babe is about to be swallowed; great Whites got smarter and faster in Deep Blue Sea; flesh-eating piranhas enjoyed their human ‘buffet’ spread by tearing out eyeballs and ears. And we are supposed to cringe at all that gore, right?

Swimming onto the 3D gimmicky bandwagon, there’s Shark Night. And as many of its predecessors, it starts off by a bunch of college students going on a holiday trip at some remote island. Damn, they always like to choose remote places to get eaten. We’d have thought they might get smarter. But well, you know what they say about blondes (especially those who pepper too much of ‘totallie’ into their speeches, ‘nuff said).

Oh yeah, and producers sure know how to draw crowds here. Hot actresses with bikini bods, actors with washboard abs, throw them in a trapped situation, add in some fiery sharks, and voila! You have a pretty gruesome horror flick in the making!

I have to say it is really a pretty “gruesome” experience watching the film in 3D. No, I’m not complaining when I saw Sara Paxton in her bikini suit, or how Katharine McPhee went from American Idol wannabe to “Subway” material for the sharks. Both actresses look hot enough and suitable for their roles. Seriously, you only need a pretty face, a nice beach bod and the ability to scream and shriek and directors will cast you in.

 
I, however, found the acting to be distasteful. Not that it came as a surprise of course, when the main cast were mostly amateurish 20-year-olds and when there is no sign of Angelina Jolie or Leonardo Dicaprio. Still, I have had some expectations prior to watching the movie, and I definitely know it is not one that you would call a Hollywood blockbuster. Ironically, the sub-roles (villains) gave a more convincing act. At least I thought they looked ‘psycho’ enough. Look out for that villain with a scary laughter and grin. Pretty grimacing to look at, but awry enough to be a baddie, I would think.

And before I forget to mention this, I watched the entire show in 3D. From what I could see, Shark Night is highly marketed as a 3D flick. But trust me on this, Avatar was probably the only decent 3D movie I have seen. I don’t know if watching almost-too-fake sharks in 3D excites you, or watching real boobs in 3D makes you pee in your pants. But if given a choice, I would opt for the latter. Then again, go ahead and ditch the glasses. It does not make a big difference to your (boobs) viewing pleasure anyway.

Having said that, Shark Night is not exactly unwatchable. The action was fast paced enough. People got eaten at a quick speed too. Man, even the sharks swim like ‘F1’ swimmers. So yes, perhaps the only consolation is that the movie is not a drag. I wasn’t satisfied with the NC16 rating though. Gore is compromised here, so don’t expect to see what you saw in SAW. Then again, the movie does feel like a teen-slasher like “Friday the 13th” – shark’s version.

Now here’s everyone’s favourite question: Can’t they just f**king get out of the water?!

Will you want them out of the water, Mr. / Ms. ‘A-Little-Sick-In-You’?

And yeah, to answer my title question: Everyone needs a C grade horror-thriller show some point in their lives. A little chuckle on stupid sex jokes and far-fetched storylines wouldn’t kill (sharks in an open lake?), I suppose.

 
Shark Night is currently showing in the cinemas.

Review created by Anson Ong